Page 30 - North Haven Magazine Issue 23 Spring 2022

To Write,

or not to Write

by Nick Giordano
‘Twas the night before deadline where no sound can be heard,
not a sentence was written, not even a word. Any writers out
there ever feel that way? Where 750 words may as well be
750,000 and the computer keys getting the most use are either
backspace or delete? Yep, I’m here. Writer’s block at its finest!
So what do I do? Meditation? Coffee? Alcohol? Cigars? Tried
‘em all. No luck. Do I call the editor and tell her she’s not getting
a story this month? Tell her my dog ate it? Hmmm….OK. Even
though I’ve been trying for weeks, let’s see what we can put to-
gether that isn’t going to get me either banned or asked not to
write any more.

CHAPTER 1 a missing person in a neighboring town, the bad
“It was a dark and stormy night.” No, that won’t winter weather predictions, nothing out of the or-
work. “Slowly they crept, step by step…” No. That dinary. Still in all, it helped to relax me by reading
won’t work either. Gotta stop with the clichés and bad the mundane happenings of small town USA. As
opening lines. “It was the best of times, it was…” Ut the sun began to disappear and the words on the
oh. Plagiarism. Also not good. OK, here we go…again. pages became harder to read, I began to feel that
familiar dread. The secret. Creeping up on me like
a predator stalking its kill. Knowing I cannot dis-
CHAPTER 1 miss it. And knowing I cannot reveal it. It’s time to
go home. But do I go directly there? Or do I make a
I had to get out of the house. The kids were scream- stop somewhere else first? Is tonight another one
ing, the old lady was driving me crazy and I just of those nights so many of which have ended in a
needed a little peace and quiet. It was a chilly New place that was never intended? Or will I just re-
England evening but not chilly enough to prevent treat to my chaotic home life and live another day
a walk around the neighborhood to clear my head. with the secret?
Along with the chaos of marriage, family, money
problems and all the other things that prevent peo- I got up from the bench and took a quick look
ple from having a happy life, there was the secret. around. No one else was in the park. Not even a
The secret I’ve been carrying for so many years. jogger. As I said it was chilly, but it was unusual
The one I don’t think I could ever tell. The one no that no one was out there tonight. As I headed for
one can ever find out about. The one I know I will home I began to get that familiar feeling. The one
ultimately take to my grave. I think about telling I’ve had so many times before. Do I fight it off this
her. I think about telling my shrink. I think about time or do I let it consume me and turn me into
telling anyone. A random stranger. But it’s impos- that other person? The internal battle is starting
sible. I’ve agonized about it. Through 12 years of again. I know I should go straight home but may-
marriage and 4 years of courtship it has haunted be…just one more time….
me, but I can never reveal it. I won’t.

I got to the local park which is about a quarter CHAPTER 2
mile from my traditional New England Salt Box
home and sat down on the bench to just commune Lawrence Peter Berenson walked into his modest
with my thoughts. When I left I had put the eve- home, the home he’d shared for the last 10 years
ning paper under my coat and I took it out to give with the former Monica Stevens, at about 11:30
it a quick peak before dusk turned to dark. There that evening. Everything was quiet as it normal-
were stories about the local business leaders try- ly was at that time of the night. Mon had been in
ing to fix the city, the Orange President destroy- bed since before Vanna White turned over her last
ing the country, the discovery of the remains of letter and the boys probably fell asleep a short

North Haven Magazine - Spring Issue 2022
30